He'd hesitated.
Human nature alright. Just not when it comes to things for which we've longed for an eternity. Those closest to him knew he'd longed for her for years. Losing touch, regaining touch, every time, reigniting fire in his heart. A fire that would burn with the same intensity as the first time.
He held her in the highest regard you know. Once tried to drink his reality away...for she was clueless about the truth behind his smile, his undivided attention whenever they conversed. Arnold knew all of it though. His good friend. They had been together that day. When she didn't invite him over after her birthday party because he lived far away.
She and her roommate had a pact to not bring in non-mutual male friends overnight; you know, to keep each other comfortable. It killed her that he had to go elsewhere.
She also knew that her heart had a mind of its own when it came to him. It would've been unjust of her to let him too close to it. Her heart. Especially since "it was just her." Because, what if he was just being a good human being? Where would she take all that passion?
Too aware of the inconvenience of misread politeness; misinterpreted kindness, especially when it came with a smile, she always held back. She'd been on the receiving end one too many times...being misunderstood I mean. It had forced her to enhance her communication...ensure clarity...avoid unnecessary heartbreak, avoid losing good friends whose emotions steered them her way.
What she didn't know was whether he had reached that point in his life journey. Choosing clarity over ambiguity. Saving others from misreading his flirty eyes...his sly smile...his playful nature...his gentlemanly ways...his calm demeanor.
"Maybe he's too new at this", she thought.
"Maybe he isn't sure of how to approach it, or he'd rather take some time off to think about it... regaining his clarity," she hoped.
"Maybe his shyness got the better of him."
The worst though, was the thought that he just wasn't sure about it, about her. Maybe he'd simply decided she wasn't it. She'd been dishing that for her whole life and knew one didn't have to be a meanie to change their mind... Pulling away after contact. She knew that just as she's been dishing it out, she had to learn to take it. But boy oh boy, wasn't this one difficult to take in.
She was angry though. Angry that she'd let her walls down. Angry that she'd laid her soul out so naked. They'd been friends forever. She couldn't pinpoint when her concrete walls had crumbled. She managed to have full control on who even got to have a peek through the walls. "How did this happen?" She softly but disappointedly uttered, over and over. Days on end.
She should have known. Her heart softened at first contact, during summer camp. She was going through hell, and with his demeanor, he brought heaven down to her...effortlessly, endlessly. Her foundations trembled, but only in his presence. They were alive. Regaining their firm when away from his energy, loosening at the sound of his whisper, cracking at the scent of his exhale, crumbling at the touch of his fingertips.
Forced by her conscience to withdraw upon learning that he was slightly younger. He'd always found a way to reach out to her. Over almost a decade. And every time, the stars in her eyes sparkled as they did the first time. Every time, she chose to ignore it as he was nice to everyone.
Not until he reached his arm out to her one evening, pulled her in for a snuggle, giving her an extended view of his eyes. See, they draw one in like a vortex. The kind that give an almost-faltering gaze that never actually falters. A gaze that's both intense and soft; one that oozes tenderness and resolute.
But he'd hesitated. She had to find a way to detach from her emotions. How, she wasn't sure. She had no option but to leave it to time. Try erase the few memories of him. Direct her energy elsewhere. Take as long as needed.
For he'd hesitated.
